Hard to Hold On Read online

  Chapter Sixteen

  Nolan

  “If she doesn’t answer I’m gonna flip shit,” I grumble as I slouch down on the couch beside Mills.

  He chuckles, bringing the rim of his beer bottle to his lips and chugging down a few gulps. His feet are kicked up on the box in front of him and he has various colors of paint all over his arms, his grey T-shirt, and even his faded painter jeans. We had to repaint the living room and Mom’s room today. We also had to take all of the boxes to storage. Doing both of those took up our entire day. It’s around three in the morning and Natalie still hasn’t text me back. We leave tomorrow so if she doesn’t continue to answer I’ll just show up at her condo without a heads up. I really don’t give a fuck. I need to talk to her.

  “Tike really put you in the shithole,” Mills says.

  “Deeply,” I mutter. I finally turn the screen of my phone off and place it on top of one of the boxes. “She shouldn’t have thought anything negative, though. Her insecurities always take over her. I hate that.”

  “The brain of a girl.” He reaches forward to place his empty beer bottle on the floor and then stands. He stretches while gazing around the empty house. It’s bone-dry in here. Not even our beds are in the rooms. There’s nothing but walls and carpets now. It ripped us in half to have to put everything out but I know it’s going to be worth it. Mills went to the bank and sold the house which is good because we need the money. We just aren’t sure when we’re going to get it. As bad as I don’t want to leave just yet, I have to. I have to save my relationship and I have to do it right. I can’t take the misery I feel without Natalie.

  “What if she’s met someone else over there already?” Mills takes out a pillow from the box in front of him and places it on the floor. He then grabs one of the sheets and spreads it out. “I mean, what if she doesn’t want a relationship anymore. She’s still young and she feels like she’s been stabbed in the heart . . . twice. I know you didn’t do anything but she doesn’t know that yet and girls think fast. They move fast. They’re some sneaky creatures.”

  “Don’t say shit like that.”

  “Hey,” he shrugs. “Just saying. It’s life.”

  “I don’t want to think negatively. I love Natalie. I know if I talk to her in person she’ll actually listen. Of course she isn’t going to answer her phone right now after what Tike told her. She’s avoiding me because she thinks that I’ve cheated on her. If I tell her that I never cheated and that I’m there to stay, she’ll come back. It took me a hell of a lot to get her. I had to get past her insecurities—past her lack of trust in men. I don’t want to be a part of her past. She was just starting to open up to me—”

  “And then you fucked up,” Mills says, completing my sentence.

  “Yeah,” I sigh.

  “Well, tomorrow we’re on the flight to Miami. We’ll take this couch and these two boxes to storage in the morning, hop on the plane, and tap some ass. I’ve been missing Lorie like crazy. Can’t wait to get back to her.” A smile spreads across his lips as he turns his head. I sit for five whole minutes before I actually hear him start to snore. I then grab the keys, pull the door open, shut it behind me, and then march for the car. I need some air and a few drinks and I know exactly where to go.

  ****

  Cali Breeze is a bar on the shore I had always enjoyed going to—especially when my dad had a gig here or just wanted to come for some fun. It’s also the last bar he had performed at on the night he died. Being here is bringing back harsh memories, but I miss him. I can’t be wimp about it anymore. I have to face reality. It’s not the bar’s fault he got shot. It’s those fuckers’s fault for popping their guns at the wrong man.

  Grabbing my beer, I take a heavy gulp before staring ahead at the waves that are crashing in. A waitress comes up to me, asking if I’d like another drink but I tell her no. I should be heading out anyway. I’m going to see Natalie tomorrow but something terrifies me about it. What if Mills is right? What if she doesn’t want a relationship anymore? I don’t know why I always let him get inside of my head—especially when he’s drunk. But when he’s drunk is when he speaks his mind the most. He might be right about her wanting to forget about me. I’ve hurt her in more ways than I thought. I was so selfish to have let her go but now I want her back.

  The breeze picks up and nips at my cheeks but I gulp down another swig of beer. “Nolan?” an airy voice calls from behind me.

  I turn slowly, facing Sharon who has a glass of wine in her hand. At first sight of her I roll my eyes. “What do you want?”

  She giggles as she steps to my side. She pulls the stool back that’s to my right and sits with me. “You,” she says.

  “Too bad. Go away.”

  She studies me as I take another swallow of beer. “You’re being so rude to me,” she says teasingly. “I told you I was sorry.” My gaze shifts from the body of water to her. Her wide eyes blink at me as she presses her lips together. “You want to know something?” she asks.

  I sigh heavily, hoping to get her to go away.

  “I’m going to Miami for a visit as well.”

  “Well I hope we don’t run into one another,” I sigh. “That’d be a joy-killer.”

  She laughs, as if I’m joking. “Nolan, you have seriously manned-up. I love it.” She touches my shoulder but I pull away.

  “Sharon, I’m going to tell you something. Not that it isn’t obvious, but I want nothing to do with you. I don’t care if you were my mom’s favorite student or that I was even in love with you—actually, yes. Yes I do. I do care that you broke my heart because it gave me the realization that you weren’t the one for me. I found the one and she’s waiting for me in Miami, where I’m supposed to be.” I sigh heavily, running a hand through my hair. “Just do me a favor and leave me alone. Don’t try to purposely run into me at Miami and don’t try to call my phone. I’m going to be with her and I don’t need anyone in my way—especially someone like you.”

  Sharon swallows some of her wine as she stares into my eyes. She then looks towards the body of water and her eyes glisten. “I told you I was sorry.”

  “Sorry is just a word. Not that I don’t forgive you, I just can’t stand what you did to me. We can never be friends. It’s just not going to happen.” I grab my beer to finish it off and then slam the empty bottle on the counter. “And don’t try your sneaky shit. I know you have a relative in Miami you’re most likely going to visit but I find it weird that you’re going on the same week as I am.”

  “Whatever, Nolan,” she grumbles, standing to her feet, her black dress rising and revealing a bright glimpse of her thighs. “But don’t think I don’t know you. All it takes is a few drinks and a bedroom to get you to break down.” She runs a hand across my cheek but I smack it away. Her eyes broaden in awe before she sips on her wine again. “The angry sex will be the best part. I’ll let you get it all out if that’s what it takes for you to want me again.”

  “Get the hell out of my face, Sharon.”

  Her fingers trail across my chest and she giggles before clunking away in her high red heels. A sigh of relief brushes past my lips as I watch her disappear before I hurry to the back exit. I can’t run into that girl. I can’t be alone with that girl. I’ve come a long way from where I was before but . . . I’m not completely there yet. It’s not safe enough for me to be around any girl alone—no girl other than Natalie. If I’m caught with Sharon alone—drunk, especially—I don’t know what I’ll end up doing.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Natalie

  I’ve never felt more rejuvenated than today. Today is a day of being single. It’s a day of not dwelling on the past or the problems that come along with it. I think last night was one of the best nights of my life. I’ve never had so much fun and to know that I didn’t worry too much or even wallow a ton about being cheated on makes me even happier. I know I can do it. I have to start getting over people and living on. Shit happens. Life happens. I usually get fucked over more
than anything else in life anyway so it’s finally time to learn how to deal with it. I have to find ways to get over it.

  I turn on my side with a yawn as I stretch. I then sit up but as I do, I hear Harper giggling. I’m surprised she didn’t sleep in like me. I check the time on my phone and it reads 2:02 PM. What the hell is she laughing about? Who’s here?

  Hopping out of bed, I rush for my dresser and pull out a pair of jean capris and a pink halter-top shirt with sleeves that stop in the middle of the forearms. It reveals my shoulders which is good because I want Tyler to remember how great my skin felt against his last night.

  After I take a quick shower, blow-dry my hair, and then get dressed, I grab my notebook and my satchel and step out. I shut my door behind me and pull my keys out, making my way towards the living room. Hearing Harper giggling again causes me to stop and look up. Her legs are dangling over the couch and every time she giggles, her tiny feet kick in the air.

  “Harp?” I call, my eyebrows rising curiously. In only a second, her giggling stifles and the room becomes silent. She peeks over the couch with a small smile on her lips, her hair messy and her lips swollen.

  “Oh, hey, Nat!” she chimes, sitting up completely.

  “Um . . . what are you laughing at?”

  “That would be me. The only guy who should be giving her the giggles.” My eyes narrow curiously as the familiar voice grunts to sit up. My heart starts to beat lightly as Dawson looks at me, his dark-brown eyes sweet and gentle. I’m relieved he’s here with Harper. It gives me hope for her and her worries. “Sup, Nat? Long time, no see.”

  “I know, right?” I step forward cautiously, hoping they aren’t naked. “Okay. I have to ask. Why are you back so soon? I thought you weren’t coming from Tampa until this weekend.”

  “I missed my Harps,” he says, his deep voice purring as he looks over his shoulder and into her eyes. “My phone gave out on me at the beach. I tried calling from my cousin’s cell but she wasn’t answering.” He gives her a scolding smile and she giggles.

  “Sorry,” she whispers. “I didn’t know who it was. I don’t answer unknown numbers unless I’m expecting a call.”

  “Not even when that number calls you a dozen times?” He reaches forward to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. She melts and her cheeks fill with blood as she stares into his eyes.

  “Well obviously I’ve interrupted you two’s . . . um . . . playtime,” I say through a breathy laugh, “so, I’ll be on way now.”

  “Cool shiz,” Dawson says. “We’ve got the place to ourselves, babe.” He wraps his arms around her and she curls against his large torso as I make my way towards the door.

  “See you guys later.”

  “Oh—Natalie!” Dawson calls, kicking his feet up on the coffee table. “Forgot to tell you that my man Nolan is coming back in town. He says he has a few words to share with you since you haven’t been answering his calls. He won’t tell me what’s going on so how about you give me the honor?”

  I stare at Dawson, wanting to slap him for lying but as he stares back at me, expecting an answer, I realize maybe he really doesn’t know we’ve broken up. “Tell Nolan I don’t want to talk. We’re done.”

  “Whoa.” He turns to look at Harp, his gaze serious. “Seriously, what’s going on?”

  “It’s none of our business,” Harper hisses at him. She’s defending me now but I know she’s going to tell Dawson everything once I’m out of earshot.

  “I’ll see you guys later,” I mutter before my throat can close in on itself. I shut the door behind me and rush for the elevator. Shit. Why is he coming back? Why now when I actually want to forget about him? Talking to him in person is going to destroy me. It’s going to make me want to accept him back into my life but I know he’s not good for me. He’s Nolan. He’s a player. It’s what has defined him for years. I thought I had changed his ways and helped him out a little but it’s obvious that I didn’t. I only wasted my time.

  I grow impatient, watching as the numbers of the elevator climb. It finally dings but as it shoots open, my heart completely drops and my palms drench with sweat. I meet his grey eyes before taking in the full sight of him. As much as I don’t want to admit it, he’s sexy as hell in his red T-shirt clinging to every crease of his upper half, his dark jeans, and even his hair looks like he put work into it to give it that hot, purposely messy look.

  His lips part, as if he wants to say something, but after a second, his lips seal. Although I want to run like hell, the soles of my shoes remain glued to the floor and I continue to stare, wide-eyed and with my mouth ajar.

  “Hi, Bunny,” Nolan whispers, staring back at me with a small smile.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Nolan

  I don’t think I’ve ever been at a loss for words to see someone. Ever. Seeing Natalie stand before me and looking at me as if I’m a murderer makes me want to do nothing but shut up. What is she thinking? What does she think about seeing me here? Perhaps Mills was right. He really needs to stay the hell out of my head.

  As I call her “Bunny”, her cheeks burn a bright red and that gives me a little satisfaction. At least I can still make her feel something. I step out of the elevator but she takes a few steps back to keep the distance.

  “Nolan,” she says, forcing a smile. “W-what are you doing here?”

  “I’m back in Miami . . . for good, Natalie.”

  Gulping, she looks me over, confusing me on whether she’s enjoying the sight of me or disliking it. Maybe there’s a mix of feelings. I wouldn’t be so happy to see someone like me, either, after what I’d said to her before she left California. “So where you headed off to?” I ask, aiming to lighten the mood.

  “I have class,” she replies quickly. “At 2:45 actually so I should get going.”

  “Natalie.” I shake my head, lowering my gaze to look at the floor. After a second, I look up at her and her brown eyes watch me, confused. “Look, we have to talk about this.”

  “Not right now, Nolan.” She steps around me and presses the button on the elevator but as it opens, I grab her arm. “Nolan, get off of me. I have class and I can’t be late.”

  “It won’t kill you. What’s more important right now? Our relationship or one class you can easily catch up on?” I raise a brow, waiting on her response.

  “We don’t have a relationship anymore, Nolan.”

  My grip slips from around her arm. I blink quickly as the world seems to crash around me. “W-what is that supposed to mean exactly? That we’re done? You haven’t even given me a chance explain myself to you, Natalie!”

  “I don’t need you to explain anything to me, Nolan!” she snaps. “I don’t need shit from you anymore. You said it clearly enough in California. You’ve stated more than enough by being around an ex . . . I—I just can’t do it. I can’t be with someone that can’t remain faithful. I’m tired of being hurt, Nolan. I’m tired of lying to myself just to remain happy.”

  “I never cheated on you, Natalie—”

  “Then who is Sharon?” She folds her arms with her book tucked beneath her arm. “Why are you hanging around your ex?”

  “She’s just that, Natalie. My ex. She was helping me move the stuff out of the house.” My head shakes as I step towards her. Her breath hitches as I pull her in by her waist with one hand, bringing the other up to cup her cheek. Her warm skin feels good against mine. Her vanilla scent smells fresh and rich. “Natalie, I love you, alright. I’m sorry for making you run away from me. I’m sorry for arguing with you and taking my anger out on you but I swear I didn’t mean. It’s been hard for me, trust me, but I came back to tell you everything. I miss you so much. I need you more than anything right now.”

  “Nolan—” She breaks off, her head lowering to hide her glistening eyes. Silence seizes the atmosphere and I wait for a response as I hold onto her, never wanting to let go. “Nolan, I’m sorry but I don’t know if this is going to work between us. I don’t think we should—”

 
; I frown, placing my finger against her lips before she can finish her sentence. “No. I’m coming back tonight and we’re talking. Don’t tell me we’re done because we’re not. We’re not going to end this. It’s an obstacle, Bunny. It’s nothing we can’t overcome.”

  Pressing her lips, she stares at me before pulling away and folding her fingers. She then presses the elevator button once more before turning around and looking at me. The doors slide open and she steps in but her eyes never leave mine. Before the doors can shut, she says, “I can’t do this right now, Nolan.”

  “Natalie!” The silver doors slide shut and I press the button a million times to try and get it open but it doesn’t. I bang against it, kick it, and even grunt a few times but it’s completely pointless. Damn it! Mills was right. What the fuck is making her want to leave me so badly? Does she really think I’ve cheated on her?

  A million thoughts come to mind but the main one is knowing she’s single and anyone can get to her. Knowing we officially aren’t together is tearing me apart, but fuck it. I don’t have time for the games. I don’t have time to deal with someone who no longer wants me . . . someone who doesn’t trust me. I’ve done all of this shit for her—I packed up and sold my mom’s fucking house for her—and this is how she treats me?

  I should have known this love shit wasn’t for me. I should have kept it in the past where it belongs because all it does is hurt me. I’m sick of trying. I fall, and then I’m broken? I’m faithful, but then I get hurt? That’s not how it’s supposed to go. That’s not what I signed up for. Why the hell can’t I just find peace for once in my miserable life?

  Chapter Nineteen

  Natalie

  As I get into my car and slam my door shut behind me, I feel all of my nerves jumbled into one. I feel all of the pain crashing down inside of me and then the tears build up. I grip the steering wheel tightly, wanting something to hold onto to ease the pain. What is he doing here? I hate that I’ve run into him because now all of the negativity is coming back. Now, reality has set in and I realize that I do have a broken heart I’ve tried to cover up and mend with a party and a few drinks.